Accidentals...

I typed," Hey. I know we just met, and this is crazy, but I think I love you." into the text conversation between the boy that I like and I as a joke. I showed it to my friend without hitting send. I went to go delete it, but my 'enter' button and my 'delete' button are right next to each other.

... Guess who told the boy she likes that she loves him.

ME. D:


I proceeded to have a panic/freak-out on the floor.


... good times. Not.

Well that changes everything

I was about to give up. Call it a day. I didn't need him anymore. All he does is make me sad. I could move on.

Then my phone made a little buzz. The old him came back. The old him came back to talk to me. To talk about music, and ancient places, and other cute stuff. (cute to me anyways.)

It made me change my mind...

Maybe I wont move on just yet.
Maybe.

<3

Mental Lockdown

I can't think of anything to blog about.


I suck at this blogging thing.

Best News of the Day!

1) One of my best friends made it into our performing arts school!!! <3 Now she can follow her dream!

2) Two people that I hate are going there too, so I wont have to go to high school with them! YAY!!!


^^Best news EVER. Could not be happier. Well, unless if I get asked out right now. That'd make my life.

... but that's not likely. (;

In such a good mood!

Smiles are gifts that are returned the most.

If someone's bothering you, smile at them.
Let them know you care.

They're probably being that way because there's something wrong in their lives.

Take pity upon them.

You're kindness could make their day. So, smile. I bet you that you'll get one in return. (;

I love smiling. I decided that I'm going to do that more often. Smile, smile, smile. I'll look upon the greater things. The things to smile at. Like cherry blossoms... Yeah. :D Cherry Blossoms. <3

:D

Teeheehee. Blog remodel anyone?

I'm in the mood for a blog remodel. :3

Gonna go do that.


Me Gusta.

The voices in my head keep me company.

I notice that I spend most of my time talking to myself...

Whenever I try to speak, I'm ignored and talked over. Maybe it's because I'm a horrible story teller. Maybe my voice is annoying. I just don't know...

And they think it's funny.

Nice.

Some game, huh? Yeah, well I hate it. It makes me want to cry and yell till everyone has to notice. Even at home, nobody listens. At home, they just yell at me to do stuff, or yell at me for not doing stuff, or just make fun of me. If I try to talk, nobody listens. They'll even ask me questions, and when I go to answer I'm just ignored.

I spent most of my time today having inside jokes with myself. How fun is that? I am a very funny person, you know.

I'm sure they'll think back on today and totally forget I was there. But, oh well. I had fun talking to myself.
And Jen.. and Bernise... and my skunks, willywallies, and waxywallies... <3

Yup.

I'm sure i'm just making a big deal out of this or something and I really shouldn't be. Oh well. I do that, I guess.

You and 27 cats would be a cute couple, hun.

There's this girl...
I'm not a huge fan of her...
SHE FLIRTS WITH THE PERSON THAT I LIKE. CONSTANTLY.
She takes him away from us, she makes him act different, and she's just so... ugh.
To make a long story short, I am NOT the biggest fan of her.

She recently just got a nose piercing and bigger gages. EWW!
I can't wait till her and her 27 cats are out and about, and the cats are embarrassed to be seen with her because of her giant, ugly earlobes. Yuck!

There's other people that would look good with 27 cats... mostly popular girls who are spoiled and mean. Like this one girl I know. She has been asked to the farewell dance by at least two, possibly three boys. All of which are very nice people. Well, she just keeps hurting them. She said yes to this one boy, but wants to tell him no and go with someone else. WHAT A JERK! And the worst thing is, she tries to make it so that she's a victim! Oh boo hoo! You have boys fighting over you and you're such a jerk you don't know what to do. Let's all pity you.

Mean while, I'm all alone in my pathetic corner... nobody wanting to go to the dance with me...

Maybe I'll go with 27 cats. Time to prepare for my future.

Whoop dee doo! I'm SO lucky. *sarcasm*

~ le unsexy dork who doesnt get asked to events. </3

Invisibility...

Today I must be invisible.
...or at least it seems that way to me.


It seems like nobody even notices my existence.


Maybe I am invisible. Yeah, that's it. I'm completely see-through.

That's for the good of the people, I guess. It's better than actually seeing my ugly face.

If you need me (which is doubtful), I'll be hiding from the human eye in that corner over there... reading the Hungergames... and snacking on something that will make me even more fat.

Aww... You want my arm. :3

HE WANTS MY ARM!

Lol... So, I made a list of people who I wouldn't mind going to our Farewell dance with.
One of the guys on that list (of three people), came up behind me and said," MY ARM!" Then we started talking and we were walking together till we had to split and go to different classes. It was sorta sweet... *happy sigh*

Him and I had I guess feelings for each other since about kindergarten,  but we haven't like "gone out" or anything like that. We almost did, I think in the summer... I don't know.

But, he has a "girlfriend"...
He never sees her, and they never talk. The only reason he's going out with her is because his cousin told him to.

Oh well. Maybe he'll ask me to Farewell. I hope. :P

<3

Blerg.

BLERG.

People are so annoying. I hate people. People ruin everything. EVERYTHING.

Stupid immature people who always touch me! People seriously have touching issues at my school. I can think of about, four people that I want to just punch in the face so hard that they cant get up again. SO HARD.


I'm stupid. I forgot my clarinet at school. My band audition is tomorrow and now, I'm not prepared.
I also didn't buy supplies of my science project that's due Friday. UGH.
I'm really mad at my science teacher. He procrastinated on giving us things to begin our science project, and now we all have to suffer. And if you don't get something in on time, he gives you an attitude about it.
I can just hear his arrogant voice now,"Frankly my dear, that is NOT my problem. Maybe you should have thought a head and gotten your supplies when needed."

MAYBE YOU NEED TO GIVE US THINGS ON TIME TOO, SIR! MAYBE THEN WE COULD ACTUALLY HAVE TIME TO GET EVERYTHING SORTED OUT!

MAYBE YOU SHOULD PAY OFF THE REST OF MY BILLS SO THAT MY FAMILY COULD HAVE EXTRA MONEY TO BUY MY SUPPLIES!

Gosh. He's so annoying. He makes me mad. I'm going to go see my old science teacher after schoola nd see if he could help me...

And this girl... Lavender, we'll call her.
She needs to switch schools. PRONTO. I hate it when she flirts with the guy that I like... She hurt him so bad, then she just waltzes back to him... and the saddest part is, he welcomes it.  I think that hurts me more...
I don't want him liking her. I want him to like me, or one of my friends. Tis all. NOT HER. NOT AGAIN.

I get so mad when they take pictures together, or do things that I cant because my parents wont let me, or BUTT IN RIGHT NEXT TO ME WHILE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF TALKING TO HIM AND STEAL HIM AWAY FROM ME. >.<

UGH.

I need to read... that'll make things better. ALL BETTER. <3 Forget everyone. People suck. Pigs are better.

Too attached...

I'm in love with the hunger games. I literally spent all last night and early morning, reading the first book in the series. I laughed and I cried. I was so attached that I was actually starting to think as if I were Katniss... then, as time passed by, I thought that I WAS Katniss... weird, right? This morning I woke up and was like,"WHO AM I??? WHERE AM I? WHERE'S PEETA? IS HE OKAY? GALE? PRIM?"
LOL... I have issues...

I eventually figured out that I was me and not actually Katniss. </3

My friend lent me the second book in the series... I get to be Katniss again. <3 YAY.

I like being Katniss. She's way better than who I am now.

I always get too attached to book characters. The Mysterious Benedict Socioty still makes me sad, because I don't have those friends anymore... AND HARRY POTTER. </3 I miss my friends. I'm so sad that I might be done with the Hunger games soon... *sigh* I'll make the time last with my best friends for now.

~Katniss... oh no, wait... who am I?

UGH... lalalalalalala.

Some people know how to ruin your day without even knowing it or even really doing anything wrong...

Well,  in my head it's wrong.

Most likely not in anyone else's.

... It should be against the law to make me feel jealous of people. That way she'd stop.

I hate feeling jealous. It just makes me mad at myself for being stupid.

I wish it was me. Tis' all. :(                                                                       *sigh*

Hollow Shell

I went through all of his pictures... ALL of them... (don't judge)

They're all so cute.
Even the dumb accidental ones.

He's so cute. Even when he looks weird in the photos.

His eyes... his smile... the way he walks and talks... His cologne <3... Every single thing he does, I'm in love with it.

I can't help it.

Now, you might be saying to yourself," You're thirteen. You don't know what love is."
Who's to say that age has anything to do with knowing love? Is there a certain age requirement when you know if it's real? No. there's not. How would you know if I'm too young to know how I feel? I am in the advanced classes at my school, so I'm pretty sure that I'm smart enough to know what love is.

I know that I've never liked anyone this much before in this way.

He makes me have the most stupidest smile on my face just by thinking about him. When I see him, I just want to hug him and never let go. When I hear his voice, I never want him to stop talking. When he sings... <3 words can't even describe how beautiful his voice is. When he listens to me, I feel loved. When he cares about me or asks me how I'm doing, I feel special.  When  he compliments me, I'm on cloud nine. When he teases me, I can't help but blush. When he walks by, I get a shiver down my spine.

But, when he doesn't feel the same way, I can't help but to feel upset and sad... So lonely and kind of empty inside. Being alone isn't fun. Especially when other's around you are not.

So, I'll keep looking at his pictures and texting him, even though he probably wont respond. I'll keep pretending that the emptiness inside doesn't exist and the my smile is real. Maybe things will work out for me. I sure hope so... *sigh*

<3 ~Le pathetic hollow shelled loser.

Love, love, love...

Things that I love:
CHERRY FREAKING BLOSSOMS. <3
Egypt.
My friends.
PIGGIES.
Baby polar bears.
Babies.
Snow flakes.
Mittens.
Kittens.
Cherries.
Cherry flavored stuff.
Converse.
Mustaches.
Giving gifts.
The Beatles.
Mumford & Sons.
HARRY POTTER. <3
Maroon 5.
Rocky Horror.
Stranger than Fiction.
Lifehouse.
The Killers.
The smell of rain.
Cute violin, clarinet, bassoon, and bagpipe players.
The cutest boy in the entire universe, with the sweetest eyes and the most wonderful smile <3 (in my opinion, of course)
Life.
Potatoes.
Icecream.
MUSIC! <3
Animal Crossing.
Potatoes.
Anyone reading this.
My family. (most of it...)
SAXOPHONES. <3 (I have a funny story about those. Lol. I'll tell y'all later)
My school. (le nerd)


Hmm... this is long enough. I'm just in a good mood and wanted to tell you all of the things that I love. <3 ta ta for now!

Confuzzelment: The world's greatest murderer of sanity.

Hi there... I'm confuzzled.
Decisions... decisions.
WHY  ME?
WHY YOU?
WHY THEM?
WHERE AM I?
WHY CAN'T I SEE?
WHY IS THE ROOM SPINNING?
WHAT DID I JUST DO FIVE SECONDS AGO?
WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER THAT?
WHY DID I DO THAT?
HOW'D THAT GET THERE?

That's some of the things that I had to ask myself... For some reason, I'll do something then five seconds later only slightly remember doing it to the point where I think that I only pictured myself doing it in my head. I've also have had little points where I've gone completely blind and the room is spinning. That's the scariest thing in the world. Falling, then not remembering how I fell is also troublesome. I had absolutely no clue how I got to school this morning. I just sorta was there. I don't remember walking or getting a ride. I remember getting my clarinet after school, but no reason why I did it. Why is this happening to me? Nobody seems to have the answers. Did I eat lunch today? No clue. I might have bought lunch. The weird girl might have given me lunch. How was my day? Well, I couldn't really tell you for certain. What happened in my head might not have been exactly what happened. I'm not really sure why I decided to write this blog. I checked a blog twice today to see if there were updates. TWICE. I didn't remember the first time till I finished reading it. Something is wrong with me... My dyslexia is getting worse, too. I almost cried doing my math because I couldn't read. My dad had to sit down next to me and read me the problems. How pathetic is that???  I'm glad that I don't have technology tomorrow. I might not be able to type.

I have to figure out how to do a project about a game... I cant remember which at the moment... I'll find out.

I need a hug and some chocolate. T_T

Just remembered that I was at play practice earlier today. Wow... :'( Ugh. Maybe I just need sleep.

Homework? Uh... Can it be to sleep?

I'M SO FLIPPING TIRED. I haven't been able to get much sleep lately, because of my new meds. I was up till around, 2:30am yesterday. Then, I got up at around 5am to get ready to be at school for around 7ish. I played music non stop for three hours, had a 5 minute break, then played for another hour straight. I play the Alto Clarinet, so it's heavy and it has a neck strap. My neck strap dug into my neck and my reed cut into my lip. Oww...
After practice, I had to climb up three flights of stairs just to come back down them and then climb back up again and into math. By the time we had math, I was so tired and not interested in writing out proofs on the board. I wanted to sleep. After math, it was science... It was interesting. My friend and I wanted to take the lava from the picture in out science book, twirl it on a stick, then eat it. Don't ask why... we have no clue. After science, we read. That was pretty fun, because I liked the book. At the end of the day, I quick ran downstairs and went to the band room to get a clarinet lesson. The musical was practicing in the band room, so we were all shoved into my band director's office. There were about 8 people smushed in there. It was interesting and weird. My band director kept yelling at my one friend... I felt bad for him. He looked tired and frustrated. I had to go to singing practice after my lesson. That was pretty good! We're singing beautiful by Christina Agrulara (or however you spell it). I love that song. <3
My day ended with going to part of play practice. I hate play practice. I had to sing and dance as if my whole body wasn't aching and like my eyes weren't about to pop out of my head while other people who did not do anything much today didn't even open their mouths or pay attention to the dances. UGH. So frustrating. 

So, that was my day at school... all nine hours and 30 minutes of it. T_T

And I still have home work left to do... which I forgot the sheet to... So, I'm just going to go on Quizlet.com and maybe see when my body will let me sleep. Who knows... that might not be till tomorrow. *sigh*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Play that funky music, white boy.

I have had songs from Rocky Horror Picture show stuck in my head all day. <3

I wish that the new girl didn't have a clue that I saw it... >.<

She is being really annoying about it. Well, she's annoying about everything, but mostly this at the moment. Apparently my some of my friends are seeing it, and my one friend isn't giving me a chance to decide if I want to go or not... Wow. Apparently, I'm being forced. Even if my parents say no. He was being really annoying today, so maybe things will be different tomorrow.

I wish that the guy who plays Dr.Frank n Furter could always talk and sing to me. <3 I'm in love with his voice.
I need it 24/7. That's why I downloaded Rocky Horror music and have it on replay. :) Ahhh...

I love music. And his voice. <3

Necessarily possible for me to continue.

I need a clone of myself. One that will do my homework, chores, get yelled at, get grounded, stay home while I go out, all of that stuff that I don't want to do. I need a magic wand that I can use for anything. If I want my hair different, I just wave my wand and BOOM! beauty in a flash. If I feel a little fat or chubby, BAM! Insta-thin at the blink of an eye. If I have a blemish, KAZAM! Perfectly clear skin in almost seconds! I also need a pass for all occasions. Where, you can flip through different signatures and times and places and show your new pass to your teacher and go anywhere you want!  Brilliant, eh? My friends and I came up with that one. I need a lot of stuff. Fairies would be nice, though.

When I was little, I though that fairies were real and that my fairy god parents would come for me and grant all of my wishes.

Cozmo... Wanda... Come out, come out wherever you are!

*sigh*

Compliments

I love getting compliments. Don't most people?
I love getting compliments from popular people. In the past few days, one of the most popular people I know told me that she liked my drawing and my singing voice. I know that I'm a good singer and a good drawer, but it's nice to hear it come from other people. Especially people who are great drawers, singers, and have an influence over people.  Maybe since she likes my singing and my drawing, than others will follow her lead. Who knows?

Now, please don't think that I'm attention seeking or desperate to be loved by all because I'm not.

It's just nice to be appreciated sometimes.  :P

Clingy people and the real ones.

Tonight was my band's movie night thingy.

Everywhere I went, she was there. Attached to me.

O.o *twitch*

There's this new girl at my school. She's very clingy to my best friend and I. She like, would not detach herself from us! She'd very annoying sometimes... And a copy cat. My friends and I were telling funny stories about dreams and stuff then, my one friend something that made me laugh till I cried. Then, this new girl comes over and is laughing for no reason... O.o Whaaaa...??? Then she pretended to understand what I meant when I said,"If a boy wants to kiss you in the woods, say no. Especially if he's short."
One my one friend and I would probably only understand that. Not her. ARGHH...

I had to sit next to her in the movie.  She kept hugging me and stuff. CLINGY!!!

Urgh.

Anyways... The real ones. I love my friends (and somewhats) because they are true to themselves. No matter what. They stay true to what they believe and don't change. Sometimes we fight, but I still love them all. Even if they squirt gogurt yogurt on my face, spill beer-pee all over, do the pudding cup, yell "WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE!" in my ear, spray capri sun in my hair, rake up front yards looking for spoons, erasing red hands, worship book series characters, burp super loud, yell at me to wait for them while they're at the bottom of a staircase while I'm at the top, love mushroom pizza, fall in love with mustaches, grab my shoulders and yell HEY!, grab my back pack and not let go as we run through the halls, take test answers and run away from me, want to go and "climb some walls", make fun of how I say the word, "dude", cry in the band room with me, make only one web show with me, have an eraser family, pee together forever, CORRECT MY SPELLING AND GRAMMAR!, spend hours talking about flying skunks and such in my head, and drool over the nerdy-ish boys in the movies. <3

Those are the real ones.

I'll always love them, no matter what. (; those freaking weirdos...  ahhhhh...

That 'heart in your stomach and you want to puke it out and cry' feeling.

Do you ever have that feeling when your heart sinks into your stomach, and you feel like you needed to puke it out and cry? Well, I've only felt that way twice.

Once in 6th grade and once right now.

This may sound silly to you, but in 6th grade I had very strong feelings for a guy. Then that guy got a girl friend.
That night, I was supposed to go ice skating with my best friend at the time and that guy. I unfortunately couldn't go because my math teacher had called that day to tell my parent's that I have officially had 15 lunch detentions in a row. Joy.
That night, if I had went, maybe things wouldn't have happened. Maybe I could have stopped it. Maybe...

But, I stayed home and cried.

(since then, they broke up.)

Today in math class, that guy was talking to the girl that sits behind me. He had his hand on my chair, leaning on it as he talked to her. He was bugging her and teasing her like he usually does, then she usually yells at him, but today was different with the threat. It sounded like she said," I swear, if you don't stop that I wont go to Farewell with you!"

WHAT?? Did I hear that right??? HUH??? YOU WHAT?

... My heart went into my stomach, and I held back the tears.

I wanted to go with him. Me. Not her.
*Taylor Swift song is being written, and will soon be in store near you*

He tried joking with me after play practice.

I wasn't in the mood.

Why wont my stomach just digest the blasted thing already?

</3

Boys...

Boys are cute when they cry at girly movies.

I think it's cute when they act tough and sweet when they're all sensitive.

Boys are cute when they do stupid things, but even more sweet when they do something noble for you.

Boys are very sweet when they tell you things and trust you.

Boys are sweet when they stay up and talk to you till one of you falls asleep.

I think it's sweet when a boy offers you their sweatshirt.

I think it's sweet when a boy comes up behind you and randomly hugs you.

Boys are cute.

Boys are sweet.

I am very glad to have a boy as one of my best friends. <3

Just Dance

Yesterday night, there was a school dance.
Of course all of the songs were pretty much inappropriate, but some were good and the subject matter was fine. Well, I got to the dance and when I walked in I saw my one friend, but I didn't say hi because I wanted him to say hi to me first. The teachers and parents near the door told me to leave my stuff in the hallway going to the band room. ARE THEY INSANE? My stuff would get stepped on by stupid people. So, I snuck into the band room and left my stuff in there. My other two friends also did that.
My friend came over to me and said hi and then him and I basically spent around 10 minutes awkwardly waiting for other people to come. It was fine, because we were talking, but it was strange being some of the tallest people there. I'm pretty sure that my friend was also the oldest. XD
Soon, my one friend came and it was the three of us waiting for my other friend because her mom decided that now would be the perfect time to get gas in the car. Lol :P
When we all were finally there, we were dancing and standing and talking. It was fun. We found this one corner of the cafeteria and were sitting there after everyone was finished fighting over who got the corner.
My one friend would leave us a lot to talk to some of her other friends, which was fine, and sometimes my guy friend would follow her, so some of the time it was just my best friend and I. We started talking about other demenisons and how neat it would be if we could visit them and see how we lived there and stuff. Then my guy friend sat down with us in the corner and someone like you came on. Did we sing and dance in the corner? Yes, we did. Just a word of warning: If the cha cha slide comes on and three of you are smushed into a corner, get out of the corner before participating in the dance. XD
I was dancing with my guy friend (who's not very good at dancing with people) and it was sweet. (:
My one friend apparently put a heart over us and her and my other friend were giggling, but I don't care.

I had too much fun to care. <3

I love school dances, no matter how lame they are made out to be.

The name is Steve.

Today, my musical directer for choral groups asked me and three of my other friends if we could help sing Luck be a lady in our school's 'Guy's group'.

:D THIS HAS BEEN MY GOAL SINCE LAST YEAR WHEN GUY'S GROUP STARTED.


I am extremely happy! OH! Annnnnd, I did extremely well on my audition for High School band. :)

After school, singers was fun. Afterwards I was talking with my friends Momo and Phil and that was fun. PLUUUUUUM! XD lol!!!

Those are times I'll remember. The fun ones.

Like running outside because of  a fire, but grabbing phones and chocolate covered pretzels, first! And running outside because of the same fire, and cracking your screen on your phone because it fell from your fuzzy hat.

Like yelling random things in the hallways then popular people thinking that you're a freak of some sort. But, you don't care because it was FUN.

Making up stories late at night about your friend and the boy that they like. (;

like laying on the sidewalk at two am with your best friend then eating ice cream when it's like, less than 20 degrees out and drop your spoon down her balcony and spend the morning raking leaves trying to find it. <3

Like marching down the street that one of your best friend's lives on with a small group of hobos (after you and two other friends slole the one's cell phone) and yell "Willkommen Saint Nikolaus!!!" at 10:30 PM.

Like yelling in your sleep (multiple times) and having your friends tell you ALL about it in the morning. :P

Like kicking each other in the hallway and your Science teacher telling you that it's all out off affection. XD

I could go on, but this is getting long. lol

TATAFORNOW!

My hyperbole poem.

I'm the loneliest one in the universe.
So very alone am I.
No one cares about me.
When I approach them, they all flee.

I'm the saddest one in the world.
So very sad am I.
Tears are running from my eyes.
I fake a smile, but that's no disguise.

I'm the most jealous one of this decade.
So very jealous am I.
I know that I'll never be better than you.
If the color of envy is green, then why do I feel so blue?

I'm going to be the happiest of them all.
So very happy I'll be.
I just need to put one foot in front of the other.
Someday... someday, you'll see.

Comment below with opinions? Good or bad will be accepted! :)

~Le poet.

Ah. :'D

Right now, somebody is thinking of you; somebody is caring about you; somebody misses you; somebody wants to talk to you; somebody wants to be with you; somebody hopes you aren't in trouble; somebody is thankful for the support you have provided; somebody wants to hold your hand; somebody hopes everything turns out all right; somebody wants you to be happy; somebody wants you to find him/her; somebody is celebrating your successes; somebody wants to give you a gift; somebody thinks that you ARE a gift; somebody loves you; somebody admires your strength; somebody is thinking of you and smiling; somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on. Don't you ever worry, because there's always someone. ♥

~My friend Lizzy.

I wanted to share this with you guys. :'D 

My day and my future wedding... LOL.

Today was amazing!
I went downtown with my best friend and we took a TON of pictures, and we were pointing at places where we want to get married, and we talked a whole lot about confusing stuff. It was SO MUCH FUN!
We decided that I'm either getting married in two places. Either in front of this one broken wall near the blacksmith place, or behind the blacksmith place down the hill where the giant old screw thingy is lol.
It's beautiful down their.
I'm getting married May 2nd 2021 in either one of those places. My wedding colors will be blue, green, maroon, and silver. The reception will be in the elegant hotel downtown.
Oh, future... I love thinking about you.
Anyways... Downtown it seemed like every single bird had to use the potty. There was bird poop EVERYWHERE... Ew.
We really wanted to jump into the water... but, we'd be sick.  :( ehhh...

My hands fit inside of itty bitty gloves, and I look sehr sexy in a penguine hat. LOL.

My friend looks very sexy in a cheetah hat. (; lolololol.

Well, I'm going to leave you all now. bye bye! 

I'd rather be a leader than a follower.

I'd rather be a leader than a follower or even stupid copy cats.

Doing something that a group of people do or even just one person and you only reason is because they're doing it, isn't cool.

It's lame. It's really really lame.

You can't find something else to do, like REALLY? You can't be creative for once in your pathetic lives?

Wow.

I am a leader. I do my own thing.

That's how it should be. Because I'm ME. Not anyone else.

I hate it when people steal my jokes and pretend that they came up with them.

I hate it when people (WHO WEREN'T INVITED TO) do things that I share with other people.

One time at play rehearsal, I had a fun idea. There's this one song where we had to do four poses and I was like, oh cool. I'll do the YMCA. Then the next week I said to my one friend, Declan that we should get the whole back row to do it and that it'd be fun! So, I told my other friend Eric about it and asked him to tell his side of the back row stage. Then, when the song comes up and we're dancing, MORE people were doing the YMCA and they weren't in the back row. It looked stupid when only little sections in random parts of the stage were doing the YMCA and few people were not.

I'm never sharing my ideas ever again. -_-

I wont tell jokes anymore. Because every time that I do, they just get stolen.

It's funny when someone tells my joke back to me and acts like they made it up... Ha. You're cool.

As you all can probably see, I'm not in a good mood. But, who give a shit? Oh yeah, Uranus does. (;

Bye haters. <3

Put it in your juice box, and suck it.

Lol. I'm not stupid. I'm a strong person with a lot hanging on me and I don't need added pathetic shit.

I'm not stupid. I know all about it. At least I can move on with my life.

Name calling also isn't called for after one stupid mistake that I offered to fix, but was turned down.

Ah ha... and I'm a jerk... well.

*cough*


Anyways... So, today I had a nice day out with my mom. Of course when we got home everything worse that you can think of happened. (well, not exactly, but you catch my drift.)
My mom and dad WOULD NOT STOP FIGHTING. And the sad thing was, it's actually all my fault. My dad is a comedian, and he typed up a paper. I went to the printer to go and get it, and I asked him what it was for. He told me it was for comedy and said that either my mom or I can proof read it. My mom didn't say anything so I said that I would. Apparently, that was bad. As soon as I got done with the first page, my mom threw a fit. She was yelling and screaming that my dad treats her like shit and that if he needed help with something, he should have gone to my mom and not a child. She was yelling how he does it all the time to her and how she hates it and then he was screaming back at her and they just wouldn't stop! My mom yelled at me that if I continue to read the paper, she'd rip it up and throw it away. My mom is now currently upstairs and my dad is downstairs. Guess who's caught in the middle. Even now as I sit here at my pathetic key board, I can see the papers that I cannot read and I am filled with rage at myself. Why did I read it? Why did I do this to them? Everything was going so well till my stupid ass screwed everything up. I hate me.

I went upstairs and took some silly pictures to help calm myself down. It helped, somewhat.

Then I email them to myself to put of facebook. As I'm awaiting my Email to come, I'm searching through all of my Emails. I saw one from Blogger so I clicked on it. It said that a user commented on one of my blogs. I clicked on the user and guess what I found??? Lol. You already know by this point, I'm guessing, so I won't wait my time in telling you.

I'm going to get to know a new girl REALLy well, pretty soon unless if something seems to happen to her blog. Her name is Sophie. Her blogs are VERY interesting.

Lol.

But, apparently I'm a jerk... So what so I know?

My cheeks are violet from being upset. Time to talk to my best friend in the universe and upload some pictures.

Bye, guys. I hope that you're doing better than I am.

(my apologies for the colorful language, but I really don't give shit about it.)

"We shall have a magnificent garden party, and you're not invited."

I saw that on a picture that my friend posted on Tumblr, and it gave me the idea for a blog.

It's a blog about self-pity.
I hate it when people sit around feeling sorry for themselves. There will be other magnificent garden parties. Just because you weren't invited to this one, or if your garden party didn't go to well, it doesn't mean that it's going to stay that way. So, instead of feeling sorry for yourself and dragging everyone else down with you, keep your head up and forget about the bad. Maybe throw your own garden party.

Self-pity is no good. It's just annoying. -_-

~Second topic~

I don't get why people feel the need to want to be popular. Populars seem to have it way worse off the Nobodies do. Nobodies have usually a hand full of friends who are trustworthy and loyal. Sure, they may have the occasional friend drama now and then, but that stuff usually blows over. Populars seem to have drama constantly! Populars can be "fake" most of the time just so that they feel important with the other populars. I wouldn't want fake friends that all we have in common is the clothes we wera and who we hang out with. Populars always seem to have the coolest things, too. They get the neato cameras and the make-up to make themselves look prettier than usual. Lucky them. I guess that's one of the only things I envy about populars. Also, I envy the fact that it seems like all populars have to do is snap their fingers and BOOM... a new boyfriend/girlfriend appears at the blink of an eye. HOW DO THEY DO THAT?

Popular power, my friends... The 8th wonder of the world.

But, all in all, I'm content being a nobody in a massive zoo of populars and wannabees. I love having real friends, and hey... maybe a camera, some make-up, and a boy will magically appear if I snap hard enough.

Bye bye lovlies! tell me how your garden parties go! (;

Noses.

I'm going to be talking about two different types of noses.

1) Noses in other people's business where they don't belong.
2) Really long ones that you can stretch out super far and then tie together. (lol)


NOSES IN MAH BUSINESS. If it has nothing to do with you, stay out. I hate it when people comment or ask me questions about stuff that I do or try to find out stuff about me that they don't need to know. I wish that I could just lock everything up in a big box and hide in it. I'd feel safe and wonderful being surrounded by all of my personal secrets and thoughts. I'd be in that box where nobody could ever find me or open the box. I  need a Pandorica. I need a place to hold me for 2,000 years that is guarded by the love of my life who wont ever die and would do anything in his power to make sure that nothing happened to me in that Pandorica. *sigh* if only Dr.Who was a real and I was a mixture of Amy and River... yeah.

Pandorica with Rory (the roman fighter) guarding Amy inside. <3

Long noses that get tied to other noses... Teehee.

Wicked is a STRANGE book. It said something like,"Till they were tangled noses" or something like that and the first thing that I thought of was my friend's nose being stretched soooooooo long and then tided to someone else's. XD How funny would that be???
We were laughing so hard that we almost cried. I love those moments. I'd put all of them in my pandorica. <3

Bye haters and lovers of all flavors and colors. <3

Mon petit chou.

That means, "my little cabbage" in French. The language of love. *moves eyebrows up and down*
When you say that to someone it's like calling them sweetie or honey.

Anyways... I REALLY like this dude.

He's amazing.

He's cute.

We text like, all the time.

He's nice.

He's kinda weird sometimes. (well, who isn't?)

.... ANNNNNND... He's mon petit chou.

Ahhhh... Yeah.

Tis a shame that I can't say who on here. I might explode. :P

Lawls. Buh byeee!

Bag *Squeeeeeeeeak* Pipes

I am learning to play the bag pipes.
Today we had our first "official" practice. It was all great! I was with Phil and my bestfriend. (Always fun)
I love playing the bag pipes, even though I squeaked a whole lot and couldn't get any sound out most of the time,  I love it. :D

I can't wait to be a bag piper for real next year. Especially with those wonderful people up there ^^^

Soooo anyways... We have "mix it up lunch" tomorrow and I have to speak in front of all three lunches and basically baby sit a table and get kids who dont want to be there to talk. Fun, right?

I'll tell yah how that goes.

Buh bye guiezzz... <3

Talking with mah friends.

So, yesterday I was having a deep heart to heart about boys with one of my bestfriends in the whole wide universe.
Afterwards, we both felt warm, floaty, and like nothing in the world could bring us down. It was a magnificent feeling that I wish that I could feel constantly. Today though, I felt very embarrassed that those words actually came out of my mouth. I never really knew that I felt that way before... It was... strange. I also liked it. :)

I hope that everything works out with the guy that my friend likes and her. They'd be very cute together. She's his little cabbage. (; LOL.

I can't wait for school. I NEED to see all of my friends and withdrawal from the guy that I like (which I'm not even going to share here because I don't trust it.) is killing me. Even though I talked to him like, all  this weekend, I still miss seeing him. Being near him gives me happiness.

I read a quote earlier today that said,"I get the best feeling in the world when you say "Hi" or even smile at me, because I know that for even a second that I've crossed your mind." That's exactly how I feel whenever I talk to him.

Ahhh... <3 Well, good bye my dear haters and lovers of all haters and colors.

Enjoy the little things. (:

Just to give you all an update, I'm fine. Nothing horrible happened to my family or me today.

Anyway, my blog. I shall blog about something.

So, like yesterday my friend Phil (who I also like. Boy, do I have issues...) told me that he thought that my hair cut was nice. Let me tell you now that I recently cut my bangs to an extreme horridness and had to keep them up till they grew out a bit. I personally still find my hair horrible.  He said it was all SHOOM then FOOF then CURVE and WEEEE! ... lol. The main thing is that he said that he liked it.

This morning, I was walking into our school locker bay and he was walking out with the popular herd when suddenly something very unexpected happened.
He was with the herd, and he left the herd to say," Good morning, *my name*!" with a smile. When he was done saying that to me, of course he joined the herd again, but I though it was kind of sweet that he would leave his popular group just to say good morning to me...
Maybe he knew that I was crying all this morning and he knew that that would cheer me up.
Stuff like that just puts a silly smile on my face. Especially when my name is said. <3

I was texting him earlier for a long time, too. I've been talking to him a lot the past few days.

Lunch was... quite interesting... and embarrassing... and I kinda just wanted to die.

They should have renamed lunch, "Let's talk about everything Tonks is embarrassed by time".

Like when I've done stupid things without thinking in front of people who's opinions mean the world to me.

Like when I hide milk in my jacket (AWAY FROM MY CHEST!) And my one friend gives it to my other friend then tells him it's my "breast milk"... Oh, joy.

All I could do was put on a smile and laugh it all away.

It's better than crying in front of everyone. Especially jerks who sit at my table... -_-

I know that I'm a stupid idiot, but that doesn't mean that I enjoy being reminded of it.

Time to go and drown the memories out with documentaries and music. <3 ~Nerd~

It's been twenty years.

It's been twenty years today since my dad's mom was murdered by my dad's father.

It's been twenty years since my dad's father kidnapped my dad's sister and abandoned my dad.

It's been twenty years since my dad  wasn't depressed.

It's been more twenty years that he hasn't been able to tell her how much he loved her.

Could you imagine not being able to say goodnight to your mom? Or that you love her?

Could you imagine having your mom being murdered in a slow and painful death as you had to watch?

Could you imagine not being able to help her?

Could you imagine the painful feeling that you know that the murder is out there...

... and he has no remorse. That that man gets to be happy while you slowly die inside?

That the man who abused you all of your life, treated you like shit every day, and murdered your mom get's to be happy?

The man who has also made death treats to you and your family.

The man who makes you skin crawl when you hear his name.

Could you imagine having a chance that you might die today and there's nothing that you can do about it?

No? Oh, well I can. So can my dad and the  rest of my family.

It's been twenty years.

And today, is not going to be a good day.


Wishing for only the best today.

R.I.P Victoria. <3

Lalalalala... Gerald and misunderstandings... Silly friends. (:

Just so that it's clear, my previous blog post about moment ruiners and stage kissing was not about my friend, "Phil".

That would have just been awkward.

It was a dude, that I'm going to call Gerald from now on. :D

Speaking of him, I'm not even sure that I like Gerald. He can be mean and most of the time it's like I'm not even there to him... *sigh* Oh well. I'll keep my distance. I guess if he liked me, he'd talk to me more often, yeah?
That New years conversation was like, our first actual talk together.

He's in a different grade than me. It's hard liking someone from a different grade, because you don't see them as much.

Well, if anything happens with Gerald, I'll let you guys know! (;

Bye bye!!! <3

Strange feelings.

Do you ever get that feeling that someone is watching you?

... Seeing everything that you do, and everywhere you go? Knowing everything about you?

I don't like it.

I feel stalked.

I don't want to be stalked.

........ O.o

Yep. Yep. Yep. No stalkers for me, please!

Moment ruiners make me want a time machine. -_-

Lalalalala... SO! After school, I was talking to a boy that I like (not THE boy, but a boy who I might like. maybe.) after school. He told me a story about this new years party that he was at that I promised that I wouldn't share. Anyway, the story involved stage kissing. I  asked what that was, and as he was about to show me... SUDDENLY... STUPID PEOPLE BURST IN THE AREA WHERE WE WERE AND THEY RUINED IT. Gah!!!! T_T

I need a time machine to go back and time and remove stupid people from that moment.

I looked online later to see what stage kissing was, and it's when you get really close to someone, look like you going to kiss, but keep a small distance away from you and the other person so that the audience thinks that you kissed.

HOW CUTE WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN????

Well. I'll uh... just be here... wishing to go back in time... Bye bye.

OH BOY, YOU GUYS! I HOPE THAT I MAKE A BLOG TOOOODAAAAAAAY!

Well, today was certainly interesting.

It all started with a look... then another look... then a push... then a "I'MMA PRACTICALLY SIT ON YOUUUUU!!!!"...

I was sitting in my favorite teacher's room fourth period typing up this thing when all of a sudden, my best guy friend whom I also like comes by. He puts his hand on my chair, then he's just staring at me. So I look at him very confused, and he looks away. So, I go back to typing and he does it again. I'm thinking," Okaaay? What do you want???". I look at him and again he looks away. I go back to typing when he pushes me, then pretends as if he never did. I push him back and I roll my eyes as he practically lays on the whole right side of me. Later he just goes and flirts with the girl he likes... Confusing, yes? ...boys. *le sigh*

In lunch, I was playing with a kiwi. I decided that it would be a good idea to squeeze it from a bag like icing. HAHAHAHA... Guess what plan backfired? Literally. It backfired right onto my shirt. I needed new clothes, and fast. My best friend said that she had a shirt that I could borrow in her locker. As we ask to go to her locker to get me her shirt, my teacher (who's epic by the way) decided to tell us how much her husband loves kiwi and that she packed him two for lunch. It was actually rather funny. On our way to her locker, we started to talk about all of the fun adventures that we've been through together. Our first one was in fifth grade, when I had red lipstick all over my hands that wouldn't come off and we were trying to erase it in math class. Ah... It feels just like yesterday.
Anyway, I ended up getting a shirt from my other friend who is AMAZING! <3

In History class, I was late and I walked in to find the guy that I like and one of my other good friends dressed as colonial people... strange. Apparently, they had "colonial swag". Awesome! hahahah!!!

In math we just shared strange stories. It was very fun, but I didn't get to tell my story about Mrs. Smith, the midget *female dog* from hell. Maybe I'll tell you that story some other time.

HOMEROOM... -_-
My homeroom teacher (whom is also my science teacher) says that he did not receive a paper that I had Emailed him two weeks ago. As I pull up my Email, and show him that I DID show it to him he proceeds to arrogantly tell me basically that I'm lying. So, I'm sitting in my seat freaking out about what the heck I'm going to do, now... when miraculously he found it. JOY. >.<

He only had to OPEN HIS EYES to find it... Gosh.

Play practice was horrible.

Now I'm home, sleepy, and hungry. Ta ta for now! <3

Cookies.

All I wanted was some cookies...

I still want cookies...

nom nom nom...

I'm fat. :P hahahahaha!

Maybe if I ask, I shall receive. (;

:D

Smiling is my favorite.

:P Elf quote there, guys. I love that movie.

ANYWHO... I'm in a fabulous mood. I feel like defying gravity. I think I'lllll trrrrrryyyyyyyy DEFYING GRAVITY! <3
Today and tomorrow are going to be awesome. Today, I'm going to my dad's comedy show at 9pm, but we're going out to dinner first. I possibly might get to see what my mean bestfriend is making me wait for... apparently I'll like it. hmm... ANTICIPATION IS RUNNING THROUGH MY  VEINS!!! <3

Tomorrow, I'm going to the eye doctor and I'm possibly getting new glasses. <3 YAY!

I haven't been able to see correctly for about 3 months now... O.o

I cant wait! Maybe I'll post pictures?

Well, good day to you all!